Holiday... Celebrate...

I will be out of town for the next week so there will be no updates for the next week. I know you're all heartbroken but somehow you'll survive. My blog is definitely not the most exciting one out there. But to all my faithful readers (all three of you) I promise to return and regail you with tales from the reservation.

That's right, I'll be playing cowboys and indians for the next week!

I don't know what all will be going on over the holiday. Hubby said something about tent, family, sheep. That's about all I know. But I'm definitely up for an adventure and a little rest and relaxation. I wish I could escape homework completely but that's not a possibility. It will, however, be reduced to a minimum and there will be much playing instead.

So, I hope you all have a happy 4th of July and remember, only 9 more shopping days to my birthday!

God Bless America!

Howie Day is coming in concert in August. Someone should seriously buy me tickets for my birthday (only 11 more shopping days)!

Ok, I'm kidding (sort of). I've never been very comfortable having people spend a lot of money on me. Close friends and family is ok usually. Unless I know they really don't have the money to spend on an expensive gift and then I just feel bad and the gift is ruined.

Dating used to be hard for me for that very reason. I hated having people spend a lot of money on me. Especially if it was a first date or someone I knew I would never have a serious relationship with. I would so much rather pay for myself than have someone pay for me. Then I didn't feel like I owed them something or make them begrudge me in any way. I used to worry myself sick about first dates. The anticipation of the date was always worse than the date. Once I was there and in the situation I was able to get a grip and (usually) have a good time.

The last few years I've become a lot more gracious about accepting gifts, food, anything that others have to offer. I've always subscribed to the thinking "it's better to give than to receive" and I realized a lot of other people feel that way too. The best thing in the world is giving someone something they really want and seeing how happy they are to receive it. Something of that is lost when the person tries to refuse your gift or isn't very gracious about receiving it. So why should I rob others of the joy that comes with giving?

Boy or Girl?

The stressed out feelings seem to be slowly leaving. Whenever they start coming back I drop whatever I'm working on and go color in my new coloring books thanks to someone who lives at the house of girls. You're awesome!

Last night we had a cross-dresser give a presentation in my Anthropology class. The tales I could tell... not just about last night but about all my experiences with cross-dressers. Half the class was totally weirded out. This stuff is old hat for me. I'm pretty good at picking them out now. Usually I can tell if it's a guy in women's clothing even if I just see them from behind. My mother is a costumer for a local theater and I've seen many a guy prance around in a dress and heels. Some of them enjoy it more than others. Even before that I was anything but naive about those things. But for all the trans-whatever people I've been associated with no one had ever explained the point of it to me until last night. The presentation was very informative. I still don't think I'll ever understand what drives these people but that doesn't mean I won't be nice to them. I don't condone their lifestyle or the things they do but I will never treat them the way I've seen others treated for being different.

I think I'm going to do my critical commentary paper on blogs and blogging. I'm not sure yet what opinionated approach I'm going to take so any suggestions are welcome. I want it to be informative but I still have to take some critical side. Hmmm... I'll have to think a little more on this.

Tonight Hubby and I are going to see Napoleon Dynamite at the fairgrounds for Free Friday Flicks. We've never done this before so I don't know exactly what to expect but it's free and it should be fun. I expect it will be like on the Wedding Planner where they watch old movies on the side of a building in the park. I'll let you know. Anybody who wants to is welcome to join us. Should be fun.

Is This the Place That I've Been Dreaming Of?

Do you ever feel sad? And you don't even know why you're sad, you just are? That happens to me sometimes. That's been happening to me the last few days. I can't seem to shake it and I can't even place a finger on exactly what I'm sad about. I'm just sad.

Maybe it's all the stress I'm under. I did well on my Anthropology test. A lot better than I had anticipated. The curve helped, but even before the curve I did better than I thought I would. But now she's given us a lot more work to do than I was expecting and with the work in my other classes I've just become so overwhelmed. Quick! Somebody give me a good topic for a critical commentary!

Work has been super stressful too. I just keep getting more and more things piled on top of me. And while I am glad to have things to do it just adds to that overwhelming feeling I can't seem to combat.

I know I'll come out ok. I always do. But it's hard to feel that way when you're under a pile of crap rather than being on top of it. I guess maybe I just needed to vent for a minute, hoping to dispell this negativity I can't seem to fight off. This was for my own benefit. Please disregard...

I don't know why I tend to make a bigger deal out of things than they really are. I tend to stress about things way more than is actually warranted. You'd think one of these days I would learn.

Remember all those big papers and such I have due this week? I worked on them over the weekend. I got one completely done and turned in (the next one for that class is due in a week, let's see how stressed out I can get over it!) and it was totally not a big deal. The paper for my English class was the one I was totally stressing over. I couldn't find a good article to write a rhetorical analysis of and if I couldn't find an article how was I supposed to write a paper about it. And once I found an article, would I be able to write a good rhetorical analysis of it?

I went to the library last Thursday and found a bunch of Newsweek and Time magazines that hopefully would have SOMETHING I could write a rhetorical analysis of. And not just any article. I wanted to find something that had meaning and I actually cared about so I could make the analysis good. Saturday morning I woke up and looked and looked and looked and finally found an article I liked and actually wanted to write on. I started making notes and analyzing the rhetorical strategy so I could write a coherent paper. I ended up typing up the whole thing Monday night (the draft was due yesterday) and hoping it was anywhere near coherent. But I really didn't care THAT much because it was just a draft. I still had time before Thursday when the final paper was due.

Yesterday morning we had peer reviews. My teacher decided to wait until AT LEAST next Tuesday to turn in the papers so we would have plenty of time for review. Why had I stressed so much? Because if I hadn't it would have still been due Thursday with my luck. I ended up in a group of three other girls and we each took turns going through our papers. There were a lot of comments for each of the other girls in the group to help them improve upon what they had already written. When they read my paper they all just sat there. Stunned. After a few seconds they all stared at me and told me how amazing my paper was, that there really wasn't much of anything they would change or add. Again, what was I so worried about?

I have an anthropology midterm on Thursday. Something else I've been stressing over. I have read all the chapters, taken detailed notes in class, and my memory is fairly good but when I've taken the online quizzes for each chapter my average is about 75%. And the teacher has been pretty good about telling us how hard this test is going to be and that we'll all hate her when it's done. We had a review last night and really, I knew nearly all the answers. The questions were pretty easy and if that's what the midterm is going to be like I have nothing to worry about. But what if it's not? I guess there's really nothing to stress about. All I can do is study as much as I can and take the test and hope it's good enough.

Life is kind of like that. All we can do is the best that we can. There's no sense stressing about things. Do what you can and things always tend to work out. Somehow.

Oh! And I'm getting a raise! Not a big one but a little bit is better than nothing, eh? Do what you can and everything gets taken care of.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to study for an anthropology midterm...

Two Thumbs Up

If you haven't tried the fix 'n' mix frosty at Wendy's you should. (Those of you who haven't boycotted Wendy's altogether. I know, I know, I'm not happy about the price of Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers either.) Hubby and I tried them for the first time last week. Yum-my! We got them with Oreos mixed in (you can get Butterfinger or M&Ms also but we haven't tried those so I can't tell you if they're good or not. I imagine they would be though.) Why didn't we think of mixing things into frostys sooner? We had some again later in the week. And then we did something even more amazing. We bought the medium plain frostys which are the same price as the fix 'n' mix and mixed in our own Oreos! Pure genius! Except I think the medium ones are just a bit much. A small one was enough for me and now I'm a little frosty-ed out. But they're good. Just don't eat too many all at once.

I'm not really big on reality shows but I found one this summer I actually kind of like. It's called Beauty and the Geek. They get a bunch of girls who are stereotypical gorgeous babes with no brains, you know: models, nba dancers, lifesize barbies, etc. And pair them up with a bunch of your stereotypical geeky guys: all brain, no braun and definitely never been on a date before. Each couple has to go through a bunch of challenges. For the girls it's things like spelling bees and changing tires. For the guys it's learning to dance and giving massages. Each individual is dependent on their partner and the things they can teach them before the next challenge. Surprisingly this reality show actually has a moral to it. It's helping both sides of the spectrum appreciate the other side. The guys are gaining confidence around girls and in the dating sphere and realizing that just because you're attractive doesn't make you any better than anybody else. These girls still have their weaknesses and insecurities. The girls are gaining confidence in the academic sphere and realizing just because these guys aren't the kind of guys they would normally date doesn't mean they don't have a lot to give and are still worthy of love. Even more surprising is that Ashton Kutcher is the producer of the show. I'm not much of an Ashton Kutcher fan but I think he's done a good job on this show. Check it out.

From the Divine

The other night I had an unexpected experience... from the Divine.

It had been awhile since we'd communicated. Nobody's fault but mine. I just haven't been trying to communicate very much. I sure haven't really been listening. But when I really needed Him He was there waiting to talk to me. He reminded me of things I already knew, things I'd just forgotten. It was definitely what I needed to hear. And feel. My whole body felt warm and like it was full of light. And peace. I couldn't have asked for a better gift as I drifted off to sleep.

My life seems to be going at break neck pace these days. I have papers to turn in nearly every day I have class. My job is getting busier and busier and the work just keeps coming. I'm trying to see how high I can get the pile of dishes in the sink before we actually have to wash them. Thank goodness for paper plates! Wedding showers, baby showers, receptions, birthday parties, anniversaries, father's day, I don't think I have any money left after I buy gifts for all these occasions. And how to fit them all in? They'll all have to fit somehow.

You can just call me Wonder Woman.

Just a quick update since I know you're all dying to know:

I am no longer in a state of academic limbo. My grade has been changed from an E to an A and I can now go forward and finish off these last two semesters, hopefully with no further hurdles to jump.

Hallelujiah!

So, What Are My Options Again?

Hubby and I bought a new computer desk over the weekend. Up until this point our computer has been sitting on a little writing desk and we decided it was time for an upgrade. We did some shopping around and finally found one we liked, that would fit, and would work for everything we had in mind.

It was one of those buy in a box, put together when you get home kind of desks. Which really wasn't a problem. We'd already bought several things like that. Neither one of us has anything bigger than a midsize car so a piece of furniture already put together wouldn't fit anyways. Half the time we can't even fit these boxes in our car. This one was no exception.

We picked up the box in the store. It was over 6 feet long, 3 feet wide and weighed over 100 lbs. easy. This should have been our first clue that there would be a problem. We hefted onto the cart and steered it through the store to the checkout. Then we pushed it out to the car. We got it into the car but it was just too long. It was practically in the front seat and we still couldn't get the trunk closed. So we bought some bungee chords to hold the door mostly closed. Good thing it wasn't very far from the store to our house. The door would fly open and bounce back down any time we hit a bumpy patch in the road. I hoped we weren't breaking anything in the box.

Then came the hard part. We got it home, and then had to carry it up to the third floor of our apartment building to where we live. I'm pretty tough. I've been known to carry quite a bit of weight when needed but as I mentioned, this box weighed over 100 lbs. And it was awkward. By the time we got it up to the second floor I was ready to collapse. My muscles couldn't lift for another second. I was spent. I was tired and sore and couldn't imagine carrying this thing up another flight of stairs.

But I knew it had to be done. And somehow, from somewhere, the strength came and we hauled that box up the last flight of stairs. Hubby looked at me with shock and surprise. Neither one of us knew how I had made it up another flight of stairs.

How are we able to find strength when we think we have none left? How can we find it in us to smile when all we want to do is cry? Where does the giving come from when we think we have nothing left to give? It's amazing to me the resilience we humans possess, both in body and spirit. Maybe it's because we feel we have no other choice. I didn't have a choice. We had to get that box up the stairs. There was nobody there to help us and we couldn't just leave the box there.

Or maybe we have a choice but we choose the higher ground. And that's where we learn to grow and be stretched and become even more than we were before.

For the Love!

About a month ago I checked online to see if my grades had been posted for spring semester. I already knew what I'd be getting: A, A, A. So imagine my surprise when I looked and one of my teachers had given me an E! What the...? I couldn't figure out how this had happened. I was practically teacher's pet in that class. I was there pretty much every day, I got A's on the tests and I always participated. This really wasn't possible. But then I remembered that he never took roll. And I had just changed my last name. And it didn't match the last name he had for me.

I had changed my last name at the beginning of the semester, shortly after we got married. But then I had to change it back to my maiden name a few weeks before the semester was over so I could apply for summer financial aid. My name had to match what the government's financial aid department had for me. My other two teachers figured it out ok, apparently this guy wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

I emailed him immediately but as mentioned before he's not so bright and I doubted he was very computer savvy either. So I waited a few days and when I didn't hear back I called the department. I knew he wasn't teaching during the summer and I wasn't going to wait until fall to get this taken care of. I needed to get this taken care of so I could apply for financial aid for fall! I needed to apply for graduation!

So I called the department. They agreed that it was probably the name change that screwed things up (thank goodness!). They said they would call him and get it taken care of.

I waited a week. There was still no change to the E. So I called again. This lady said the same thing. She'd call him and get back to me. Nobody called. That was two weeks ago and the E is still there. I'm getting really frustrated. I need to apply for financial aid! I need to apply for graduation! Fall is my last semester here and I can't graduate with an E on my record. Looks like I'll be making another call to the department tomorrow. They're not going to like that so much. But then again, I haven't enjoyed any of this situation.