What I Need

All I ever wanted, all I ever dreamed of,
Everything I hoped and all the things I prayed for,
Couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given:
I've been given what I need.

- Michael McLean

As some of you know I've been struggling a bit as of late. It hasn't been one thing in particular, just a cumulation of a lot of things have been stressing me out. The other night in my Anthropology class we watched a documentary that put things in a little better perspective. It was titled "Elusive Beauty" which was an amazingly fitting title as it was about a woman who had survived many things in her life and still maintained a positive attitude. As a child she was sent to the concentration camp at Auschwitz where she survived when the rest of her family was killed. They were not Jewish but had been helping the Jews. She had been a ballerina before her capture and the only thing that kept her sane was pretending she was dancing the Nutcracker when things got too unbearable. After her release (at the age of 16)she was raped and impregnated by French soldiers who were supposed to be helping the survivors.

Because of her experience in Auschwitz she was fluent in English, Polish (she was from Poland) and German. She went to work translating documents for the Americans. Then she went to France to her former dance teacher. She worked with her, regained her strength, and joined a dance company that toured all over the world. She was very happy. But a few years later she contracted polio and the doctors told her she would never walk again, let alone dance. Instead of just accepting what the doctors said she worked and worked until finally she could walk with just a slight limp.

She went to New York where there was a man she was told would help her find a job. He was the head of a dance company and he asked her to teach one of his classes because he had a meeting. She was incredulous! How could she teach a class? But she remembered all the things her ballet teacher had taught her before she was strong enough to start dancing again after Auschwitz. She started teaching the class those things. The man she had been sent to see was actually watching her thoughout the whole class. The students all came up and thanked her afterward and the man told her that there was more than one way to do ballet and had wanted to see if she would make a good teacher.

From then on she started teaching ballet classes. Through everything she had to go through she kept an optimistic attitude and looked for all the beauty in a world filled with horror. The film really hit me. As much as things have been sucking for me lately, they have been nowhere near as bad as things were for this woman and she was still able to be happy. Why shouldn't I? I really needed to see this film that day.

Over There

I got a phone call last night I was not expecting. It was ZL calling to tell me that in a few short weeks he was being sent to Iraq.

The first time I met ZL we didn't hit it off. It was while I was in Cleveland, we were at a meeting and I was busy talking to a bunch of friends I hadn't seen for awhile. He came up and just started talking to me. No introduction, nothing. I only knew what his name was because of his nametag. That has always bothered me. I don't like strange people coming up and talking to me, butting into my conversations, without some sort of introduction. And I didn't agree with some of the things he was interjecting anyway. I thought he was rude, loud, and annoying and tried to get away from him as quickly as possible.

A little over a month later I was transferred to work in Youngstown and guess who would also be working out of that office? You guessed it, ZL. Not only would we be co-workers, but he was my superior and I had to report to him. Great. That's just great. I was not looking forward to that in the least. But over the next few weeks we became amazingly good friends. ZL's the kind of person you either love or hate, there was no middle ground with him. As I got to know him I really started to like him. He was big and intimidating to some but to me he was just a big teddy bear. He would listen to me when I was having a bad day and sympathize and try to do something to fix it. Which is not something that most guys do. He helped me through a lot of crazy things in Youngstown and I will forever be grateful for that.

We don't see each other very often now. We're both married and he and his wife are expecting their first child, but we are still very good friends. I pray for his safety and for his family left behind. If you had told me when I first met ZL that one day I would be sad to see him go I would have thought you were crazy. But I am.

Godspeed, ZL.

This Entry is Titled: A Trip to the Hellmouth or...

Are you sure you want to go to Weber?

Hubby is thinking of transferring to Weber next year when he's done with SLCC. Neither one of us had ever really been to the campus before so we figured we should check it out before he makes any decisions. So, we went up there on Friday. Hubby had emailed them the week before to make sure we could come for a tour and meet with someone in the MET department. They said that was fine but when he emailed again to find out where we should go he got no answer.

We were flying blind. When we got there we drove around, checked with information, walked all around the student center until we finally found the recruiting department. This tall, lanky kid with big red hair came to take us on a tour. It was really hot and the building we needed to go to was at the top of the campus. We had to hike up what seemed like a million steps to get to the top but we finally made it. When we got to the department offices there was no one to be seen. Either they were all out to lunch or decided to call it a day just a little early (it's was noonish). We sat and waited but nobody came. The recruiting office had checked to make sure they'd be working today but apparently they forgot. Nice. But hopefully the trip was not totally wasted, we needed to check out housing too.

The recruiting office sent us to one place for married housing, when we got there they sent us somewhere else. Nobody we talked to really seemed to know what they were talking about. Brilliant. Apparently they've decided to change the location of the married housing. This year it's in the University Village which is a bunch of apartments that were built for the Olympics in 2002. Next year they're going to be in a bunch of old old old buildings that they've decided to convert into married housing instead of tearing them down. TEAR. THEM. DOWN.

They were old and gross and not like the cute new apartments at the University Village. Instead we would get a hallway. A HALLWAY. Three bedrooms (that we can turn into whatever we want, like a living room) and a kitchen on one side, two bathrooms on the other side. Well, actually, one bathroom has a toilet and sink in it. The other bathroom has a shower and a bathtub.

Thanks. But No Thanks.

It wouldn't be TOO bad if they only wanted $200-$300 a month for it. We would survive somehow. But they want $600! That's more than we're paying now and our apartment is way nicer than a stinky old dorm hallway. Yuck.

We spent the majority of our afternoon up there too. Not because we really wanted to but because it took so dang long to get anywhere. They were having soccer camps and cheerleading camps and whatever other kinds of camps and the roads were so busy. Cars were practically at a stand still in some lanes. We decided to go to Tasty's to wait out the traffic. We ordered our lunches and then sat down. Hubby had ordered a BLT and the girl asked him if he wanted everything on that (like pickles, green peppers, mustard, etc) and he said no, just mayo. The girl who calls the orders when they're ready called him up and said, you ordered a BLT with just mayo, do you want bacon, lettuce and tomato on that? Hubby looked at the girl like she had just grown an extra arm. Why would he order a BLT if he didn't want the B, L or T?

The whole place (Ogden, not just Tasty's) was about as ghetto as you can get. I keep telling myself it'll only be for 2 years but I can't help but question Hubby: "Are you sure you want to go to Weber?"

Break Me Off a Piece

I could really go for a kitkat right about now.

Diet Schmiet.

Trillian always said she could never get the hang of Thursdays. I could never (still can't) get the hang of Wednesdays. They have always been the longest, draggiest days, even when I have plenty of work to do. I swear, one day I will die of boredom. On a Wednesday of course.

Tonight we're having about a million people over to our house. By a million I mean probably 10-15 but it'll feel like a million in our little apartment. My family and Hubby's family are coming over for Navajo Tacos. I had the idea of making them for my family but all of the sudden it's all been taken over and I'm not actually in on the "making" of the tacos. Just hosting the affair. I don't even have to really provide any of the toppings. Everybody else has divvyed them out among themselves. This should probably make me feel less stressed, as I haven't been able to shake the stressed out feeling as of late.

To add to it, my parents are going out of town for two weeks and I'm in charge of doing laundry for the theater my mom costumes. They've been sending quite a bit of laundry lately and it's not that it's hard, just time consuming. Time I could be spending working on assignments for class. "It's only for two weeks," my mom says. Yeah, and my classes are over in three.

And THAT is the only thing keeping me going these days.

Indeed

For some reason that's my favorite word these days. It's a good one. But it really doesn't have much to do with my post today.

My sunburn in peeling. I hate that. And it's not peeling anywhere but my forehead, which is definitely the worse place to peel. So at the moment, if you look at me up close you'll probably think I have leprosy. I probably won't even look tan by the time this peeling process is over. My plans are foiled again!

I have a very nice birthday once I got off work. The whole weekend was nice. Hubby did (indeed) take me to Bombay House for dinner. Mmmmm.... My favorite! The first time I went there was for my birthday last year so I told Hubby it's now a tradition and we must go there for my birthday every year from now on. I'm not sure he was as keen on the idea as I was. But it's my birthday, so there! After that we went to a wedding reception for a friend of mine. She's sort of a friend of a friend so I don't see her very often and only recently found out she was even getting married! Imagine my surprise when I walked in and recognized the groom, although I don't think he recognized me, as a former roommate of Mac Daddy Joshua that I really hadn't heard many good things about. And he was marrying my beautiful, amazing, sweet, dear friend. I was a little shocked and surprised but she seems happy so who am I to burst her bubble of marital bliss? I just hope it all works out.

I got lots of money for my birthday so I can buy new clothes. It's not just that I love to buy clothes (indeed I do), but that half my clothes don't fit anymore! Married life seems to be fitting a little too nicely. Mostly around my hips and tummy! I promised myself I was not going to be one of those people who started putting on weight as soon as they got married. But alas, that doesn't seem to be an option. Hubby and I have both put on a few pounds. I don't plan on allowing these pounds to stay put for long though! I bought lots of fruits and vegetables this weekend for salads and more healthy foods than we've been eating. It's not that we've turned into total junk food junkies, but we do tend to snack more than we used to so I'm going to try to curb that a little bit. Wish me luck!

They Say It's Your Birthday...

And indeed it is. I am now 25 years old. Hubby thinks it's hilarious that I'm a quarter century old. How's that to make you feel old and grey? Besides that, he also thinks it's funny that at the moment I'm 2 years older than he is because I'm 25 and he's only 23. Funny... Funny...

The day is shrouded in secrecy. Hubby won't tell me what we're doing tonight for my birthday. He always likes to surprise me. We both have to work today. Not my idea of a good way to spend my birthday but at least they gave me a check for $50 with instructions to spend it all in one place: on me! I'm sure I can do that.

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Tales from the Rez

I made it back from our trip all in one piece. A little on the crispy side but all in one piece, nonetheless. It was a very much needed break from the stresses of work, school and just general everyday life.

We stayed out in the desert. We were in Navajo National Forest so I figured it would be like normal camping in a forest: lots of trees and shade. Um, no. There were sporadic trees but instead of grass there was mostly dirt. And it was hot. I now know why the people that live down there have darker skin. And I wish I'd had the same!

But it was still a good time. It was fun to be with Hubby's family and meet relatives I had yet to meet. We camped on the land my mother-in-law and her siblings had grown up on. They lived in a one room hogan (10 people!) without electricity or running water. I don't know how they did it but I'm sure they didn't know what they were missing out on. We watched the sheep being herded and played catch phrase A LOT! I think I won't be able to play that game again for a very long time. At least until the next reunion!

We cooked over a stone and clay fireplace. I think the food was the best part. I'm always up for trying new things and I've rarely been disappointed. This weekend was no exception. We had the best BBQ chicken I think I've ever had. We ate mutton stew, fry bread and gravy, Navajo tacos. Mmmmm.... I'm getting hungry just thinking about it!

Froggy, we did go to a flea market and I did buy you a present for your birthday. I'll give it to you next time I see you. My mother-in-law bought me a set of 3 silver bracelets. Jewelry is way cheaper at the flea markets than anywhere else and it's so cool because the people there actually MAKE it by hand. Navajo's make the most amazing silver and turquoise and other stone jewelry that I have ever seen.

So it was a great time. I'm glad we went and had time to just sit around and have absolutely nothing to do. But now it's back to real life. The pile of work on my desk that's been building up for the last week. The papers due in each of my classes tomorrow. Ah, well, it was fun while it lasted...

Happy Birthday to my mom today. Happy Birthday to Froggy tomorrow and Happy Birthday to me on Friday! (Only 2 shopping days left!)