Was That Really Necessary?

Over the weekend I ran into a girl I knew in Cleveland.

Actually, she was with a guy we knew from Cleveland but I didn't know him as well. Now, I lived in Cleveland for about a year and a half and I loved it. I met a lot of people there and they fit into three categories.

First, there are the people who I became really good friends with and will love for the rest of my life. A few of them will even be making the trip to my wedding next month and I will be overjoyed to see them. We stay in touch and things are always the same whether we see eachother after 5 days or 5 months or 5 years.

Second, there are the people that I was pretty good friends with. At least acquaintances. I had good times when we were together, if I ever saw them again it would be ok but I probably wouldn't go out of my way to maintain a relationship. We just didn't connect like that.

Last, there were just a few of these people. The ones I couldn't stand when were were around each other in Cleveland, and wouldn't ever want to see again after I came home.

This girl was one of the latter.

Neither one of us liked the other. She was one of those people who would fake nice to your face and then talk smack about you behind your back. I saw right through this girl, wouldn't stand for it, and she hated me for that. The feeling was mutual. She didn't even know me and tried to spread lies about me and turn people against me. Real mature.

So imagine my surprise when I'm walking through the mall and I hear "Bliss!!!!" I turn around and there's Ditzy Liar Girl acting all happy to see me. She was with Goofy Guy Shorter than Her. I'd heard they were dating. I tried to act pleasant, but didn't really hide my surprise. We small talked for a minute, catching up on info about people we kept in touch with from Cleveland. Then she says, "I heard you're getting married."

"Yeah, I am. I actually just dropped my ring off to get it cleaned."

"We are too!!!!! Well, what does your ring look like?" I explained it as best I could, then figured the polite thing to do was ask about hers, even though I didn't care.

Yeah, mine's better.

Then she asked, "Where's your fiance?" He was running errands, doing homework, whatever he needed to do that took more concentration than he had when he was with me.

"Do you have a picture?" I don't. I mean, I do, but just not with me. You'd think that as many times as people ask me that I would learn to keep a picture of the two of us with me. She probably would have thought I was lying about getting married if she hadn't heard it from someone else. Probably trying to figure out what kind of guy would marry me. I thought the same about her.

Yeah, mine's better.

After a bit of an awkward silence I took the lead. "Well, it was nice to see you. I really should get on with my shopping. Congratulations."

Why do you always run into the people you never care to see again?

So what do we do?

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

- Edmund Burke

We had a particularly interesting lecture in my psychology class yesterday. We talked about conformity. I know, I know, we live in America. We're all individuals. For all that, we still do a lot of conforming. We pay attention to social norms. Like, we wear clothing when we're in public. That's conformity. A very good type of conformity if I may say so (and since this is my blog, I may). There are bad types of conformity as well. Dangerous types. A few aspects of this subject were discussed in my class and I wanted to talk a little bit about those. Partly for the reason that as people are made aware of these issues, they are less likely to happen.

Call this a public service announcement.

One aspect we talked about is called The Bystander Effect. This is a psychological phenomenon where persons are less likely to intervene in an emergency situation when others are present than when they are alone. The most famous illustration of this phenomenon was the story of Kitty Genovese. It happened before I was born but I remember hearing the story. Kitty Genovese was stabbed to death outside her apartment building in 1964 by a mentally ill man. The murder took place over a period of about thirty minutes, during which at least 38 alleged "witnesses" failed to help the victim. Each of these "witnesses" easily identified the man when he was caught but not one of them in the 30 minutes of the attack so much as picked up the phone and dialed the police (this was before 911).

The most common explanation is Diffusion of Responsibility: that with others present, observers all assume that someone else is going to intervene and so they each individually refrain from doing anything. People may also assume that other bystanders may be more qualified to help and their intervention would thus be unneeded. And sometimes that's the case, but more often than not, this means that nobody does anything. I'm sure I've been guilty of this as much as anybody. I think I'd prefer to make sure my assistance isn't needed instead of just assuming. What was found though, is that people who are aware of these phenomenae are less likely to allow these things to happen.

So, now you're aware.

Some Days It's Better to Stay in Bed

Wednesdays are usually my favorite day of the week. It's halfway through the work week, after work I spend time with friends at Q, then my fiance and I have a really great class we go to together and then get to spend time together after. It's just nice.

Today is just not so nice. Maybe it's the residue of the past week's stress. Word to the wise: don't make your own wedding invitations. That's what I've been working on the majority of my spare time this week. I probably put in 20 hours working on them just myself. With all the other people that helped we probably had over 50 man hours between us. And it wasn't like they were all that elaborate. Cardstock, vellum and a little ribbon. That's pretty much it. But they're finally done so it's one less stress.

Yesterday I had my bridal photos taken. I had a free sitting so that was nice. I'm really glad I only have to wear my wedding dress for one more day. Which happens to be exactly one month away. Craziness. But back to the dress - it's big and poufy and even though we had it hemmed up I'm incredibly short so the dress is still too long. And the train is really too long! I had to wear the dress to our photo destinations and that was quite the ordeal! Satin and organza and netting flying everywhere as I try to fit it all into the passenger seat. There was no way I could have driven! It was actually quite humorous trying to get in and out of the car. Me, in a mess of white fabric. I looked like I was being swallowed by a marshmallow! I spent an hour the night before looking for the comb that goes on my veil. And then my veil ripped. It has not been a smooth ride. But I think the pictures will turn out well and that's another thing on the checklist over and done with.

After the pictures things started to calm down and I thought today would be better. Have you ever read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? That's been me today. I woke up super late, my make-up looks like I did it in the dark, I spilled Hawaiian Punch on my pink plastic-looking skirt, papers were strewn all over my desk and got knocked off several times in the course of the morning, I even answered the phone "good afternoon" at 8:30 this morning, and my pantyhose keep wanting to end up around my ankles.

I think I'll move to Australia.

When I Get Old

I was talking to my grandma on the phone the other day and she was so excited to tell me she bought some Irish wedding handkerchief to give me to hold onto during the wedding ceremony. Ok, so I AM Irish (several generations back), and proud of that fact, but why, WHY would I want to carry an Irish wedding handkerchief at the wedding? Of course, I'll need something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in my shoe (I had never heard about the sixpence before but somebody actually gave me one this weekend! And to see the origin of this rhyme go here). But nowhere does it say anything about an Irish wedding handkerchief. (I guess I could use it for the "something new.")

I don't know why I'm so baffled by my grandmother's behavior. It's not anything new. My whole life she has given us random, weird, useless gifts that she thinks are just great. When I get old I hope I'm not one of those grandmas who gives those kinds of presents to her children or grandchildren. You know those gifts. The ones that come from ABC Distribution or Oriental Trading Company or whatever those places are called. Mail order catalogues! Garage sales! Things she bought for you when you were 7 and 15 years later just found them in her junk room and is finally getting around to giving to you! No, I want to give cool, nifty, useful gifts.

One year for Christmas she gave me this Oriental print origami paper. I hadn't done origami for several years and had no idea what to do with it now. So it sat in the bottom of my closet for a couple years before I felt like it was ok to part with a gift from my grandma. Another time she gave me this cheap Bugs Bunny picture album. Bugs Bunny is great and all but he's never been the desire of my heart. A few years ago she gave me this antique copper pot. I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with that. I think it's in a box in my attic somewhere. And this is just a few of the gifts I've received from her.

I hope this doesn't sound mean or harsh. I love my grandma. She's a great lady and would do anything for anyone. But where does she come up with some of these gifts? And everybody's grandma does it. I know everybody reading this blog knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about. And my grandma isn't as bad as some. My friend once got a plastic brush with "Susan" printed on it from her grandma. And my friend's name WASN'T Susan.

When I get old I think I'll just give cash.

If April Showers Bring May Flowers, November Flowers Bring What...Poinsettias?

I had my second bridal shower over the weekend. For those of you getting married, or who will get married in the future, may I suggest "the grocery shower."

I had never heard of one of these until my best friend got married. I was out of the state at the time but I heard all about it and hers was a big success. Especially since her husband was out of work for the first six months of their marriage. You can live without a blender or a waffle iron or even seven sets of towels. You cannot, however, last very long without food.

Let me explain. For a grocery shower people bring nonperishable food items for the bride and groom to stock their pantry (or under the bed if you don't have a pantry). Think food drive. Canned fruits and vegetables, boxed pasta, cake mixes, etc. My best friend said the problem with her shower was that she got A LOT of pasta and A LOT of muffin mixes but not a lot of anything else. So, to remedy that: Assign Categories. We had pastas, canned fruits and vegetables, baking goods, staples (like flour, sugar, etc.) and whatever else you can think of. Very good idea.

This shower included the ladies in my parents' neighborhood. We've lived there for 11 years and made many good friends. These were the mothers and grandmothers of my neighborhood friends, the women who taught me in church. And they were all extremely generous. Not only did they bring food drive items, but we got utensils and pots and pans and kitchen towels and all kinds of things you need to be able to eat the food drive items.

Last count showed 50lbs of sugar, 50lbs of flour, 6 bags each of powdered and brown sugar. 10 brownie mixes, 20 muffin mixes, 3 big containers of salt, 3 tubs of crisco, 4 bags of pasta, probably 100 cans of fruits and vegetables, lots of bottled drinks and several other random food items. I think I'll be baking for the next YEAR and still have groceries left over!

Cookies, anyone?

Little Wonder He Doesn't Have a Girlfriend

I know, I know, I only post on Wednesdays but I just had to share my favorite part of yesterday.

Lucky you.

All of my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays at our local community college. My first class of the day is physics. We don't have assigned seats but you know how you just kind of tend to sit in the same seat every time anyways? And you know there's something not normal if someone sits in a seat they don't usually sit in. That's what happened yesterday...

I'm sitting in my usual spot, reading my text book before class starts so I can try to figure out what the teacher is talking about. All of the sudden this guy is sitting down beside me. A guy who usually sits clear on the other side of the room. If that's not bad enough he starts talking. First it wasn't to me. He was talking to blondie sitting behind him. I heaved a sigh of relief that I wasn't going to have to swat away a pesky male with my engagement ring lodged in his cheek.

Then he was talking again and this time I realized his questions were directed toward me. I decided to be nice, if a little hesitant to get too friendly. Guys always mistake my friendliness for flirtiness. Well, HE was definitely being flirty. He was going back and forth between talking to me and talking to blondie. After awhile I decided his flirting had gone on long enough. I pulled out the big guns. I placed my left hand on top of the counter so he could see my ring. Not totally obvious, but casually so as not to draw too much attention right away.

When he saw my ring he asked "Are you married?" "No, but I'm engaged," I replied. "When are you getting married?" There was audible disappointment in his voice. "Next month." "Oh." Then he turned his attentions to back to blondie. But all of the sudden he realized SHE had a ring on too! "Are you married?" he asks blondie. "No, but I'm getting married next week." I couldn't help but laugh at the situation. The fact that blondie was engaged too was just too funny. He came back with "I can't even seem to get a girlfriend." Maybe if he didn't make a habit of hitting on engaged women...

Beautiful the Way You Are

I've had a song in my head for the last few days. Probably because it fits so well with several conversations I've had about love and friendship. We are each who we are. Unique and special and worthy of love and acceptance from others. Don't ever think you're not worth it. Guys, this song can apply to you too. It says the things I want to say better than I can:

This is for all you girls, about thirteen.
High School can be so rough; can be so mean.
Hold onto, onto your innocence.
Stand your ground, when everybody's givin' in.

This one's for the girls.

This is for all you girls, about twenty-five.
In little apartments just tryin' to get by.
Livin' on, on dreams and Spaghettios.
Wonderin' where your life is gonna go.

This one's for the girls,
Who've ever had a broken heart;
Who've wished upon a shootin' star:
You're beautiful the way you are.
This one's for the girls,
Who love without holdin' back;
Who dream with everything they have.
All around the world,
This one's for the girls.
(This one's for all the girls.)

This is for all you girls, about forty-two.
Tossin' pennies into the fountain of youth.
Every laugh, laugh line on your face,
Made you who you are today.

This one's for the girls,
Who've ever had a broken heart;
Who've wished upon a shootin' star:
You're beautiful the way you are.
This one's for the girls,
Who love without holdin' back;
Who dream with everything they have.
All around the world:
This one's for the girls.

Yeah, we're all the same inside (Same inside.)
From one to ninety-nine:

This one's for the girls,
Who've ever had a broken heart;
Who've wished upon a shootin' star:
You're beautiful the way you are.
This one's for the girls,
Who love without holdin' back;
Who dream with everything they have.
All around the world, yeah,
This one's for the girls.
(This one's for all the girls.)

Yeah, this one's for the girls.
(This one's for all the girls.)